October 2025… Just remembered you on my way home. Sat on a wall, writing to you. In life, whatever I’ve truly wanted has always found its way to me — sooner or later. And I’m sure of this: one day, life will give me a morning where I wake up next to you. I’m obsessed with that thought. It’s not just a wish — it’s a kind of desire. And I bet life will give it to me. Doesn’t matter if you want the same thing or not. Since I want it, somehow, you’ll be there — just for me.

October 2025… I’m not looking for a man to fulfill my dreams. That’s not what this is about. I know the man. I want the man. My dreams only feel exciting because he’s in them — not the other way around. I’m after him, not the dream. And if he doesn’t feel the same, I’m okay being alone. If he’s not okay with me, I don’t want anyone else. I know what I want. I know what I feel. I’m chasing that feeling — the one that shows up every time I think of him.

November 2025… I don’t respect people easily. I don’t trust their ideas, and I definitely don’t care about their expectations or their drama. Most of them seem weak, whiny, and honestly… not that bright. I rarely find someone I consider trustworthy. So I don’t really know why I respect you. You’ve got that annoying, magnetic vibe. I always think you’re smarter than me, calmer than me, stronger than me — and that intimidates the hell out of me. You make me feel small, and I hate feeling small. Maybe that’s why I’ve always been so harsh with you. Because deep down, I thought you saw me the same way I saw myself around you — small, maybe even… usable. But here I am, still writing to you. So clearly, you’re not just people.

November 2025… I’m not writing to attract you or change your mind about me. I just like this feeling — sharing with you. That’s all. I only hope you read what I send. I mostly write what I feel. I’m not expecting anything in return. I’m fully aware of what I did and said in the past. And I know that when something breaks, it breaks. If I could invent a time machine, I would — but I can’t. So here we are. If receiving messages from me feels too much, I can write them in a blog instead and share the link with you. That way, you can read them whenever you feel like it — no pressure at all. Maybe it’s selfish of me to want you to hear my thoughts, but I guess I just want to be understood. I’ll send you the blog page soon. Take care until then.